Adorkable

2010-05-19T19:44:00.001-07:00

So, I used to think of myself as a pretty positive person. Seeing the good in a bad situation. Well, that seems like so long ago. I think it was back when I was employed. I think being employed gave me a purpose I was used to, made me feel good to be contributing.

Now I just feel stupid. Stupid for getting a degree in a field I don't always feel very confident in. Stupid for some of the things I have and have not done. I have had good friends (or Friend) through the years. But I always seem to be wanting more (just a bit). Everyone else seems to have their shit together. I know that is just what it seems and that everyone has their problems but I can't help but dwell on everyone's wonderful success and what seems to be my many pitfalls.

To top it off my in laws have been making my blood boil. I want to just move to get away from them. But with that makes me happy they aren't my biological family and sad for Jon that they are his. With all the complaining and heart ache I have felt with my own family, it makes me greatful to have them.

I know what my problems are and I know how to fix them.

Stop comparing myself to others
Stop reflecting on my past and my mistakes and just look to making a worth while future.
Get back to being positive.

So, I am going to start now.

I grew up in a good family
I graduated high school and college
If I have had only one GOOD friend, better that than none at all.
I am a good/caring person. I may be a bitch sometimes, but I mostly have good intentions.
I am in pretty good health
I feel like I have a good head on my shoulders
I have been loved more than many
I have a hard working husband that tries the best he knows to take care of us
I have truly the best son in the world.
I may not be contributing financially right now to our family, but I am shaping a hopefully good little boy for the world to get to know. Better me then a daycare.

Stylin and Profilin

2009-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

Brightest Color

2009-07-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

So, he is the new love of my life, but not so sure if he is the brightest crayon in the box. The other day little Owen was laying in his bassinet crying. No big deal. But then he started more like screaming. So, I checked on him and he had ahold of his hair and was pulling it. It took a good effort on my part to get him to free himself.

It was sweet and memorable. If only I had a camera.

1st Dip

2009-07-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well we went to the swimming pool today. It is an indoor pool. So, we didn't have to worry about the sun. The air was so Hot. The water was pretty cold.
He enjoyed it. He was nice and calm until it was just too cold for him. We met Meredith there and little Connor showed me a good view of what Owen will be like in a little over a year.

new pictures

2009-07-15T08:28:00.001-07:00

He may be ready but I am not

2009-07-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

So, last night me and Owen got up to eat. Owen fell asleep only after1 oz. And normally as soon as I lay him down and if he hasn't eaten enough he would wake right up. So, I decided to lay him in his crib while I went to the bathroom. This is the first time he had been in his crib because he sleeps in the bassinet next to our bed. Well, he didn't wake up, he kept on sleeping. That has never happened before. I didn't want to pick him up and move him to the bassinet because I was sure he would wake up. And since my bed was calling my name, I set up the baby monitor and headed to bed.

I told Jon once I got into bed that he was in his crib. And he said "Noooo" "can you hear him?" I told him I set up the monitor. And he was back to sleep. But I couldn't get back to sleep. I just felt sad that he was so far away. And I couldn't pick my head up to see if he was ok after every peep. To make sure he hadn't spit up and make sure he was still breathing. So, I spent most of the hour laying and watching the lights on the monitor for each coo he made.

I decided after that, that I am just not ready for him to be off on his own in his room. Boy, if I have a hard time leaving him in his crib, I can't even imagine how hard it will be to send him off to his first day of kindergarden. And what about college?

Pictures from 4th of July

2009-07-08T16:34:00.000-07:00

We spent the day with Jon's family. Everyone loved Owen of course. And he was good of course.

Here are some pictures.

Another day

2009-07-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

So last night, little Owen slept from 1am till 5:30. Go Owen. In the past 4 weeks we have nursed some, pumped a lot, and supplemented. Bottles have been such a problem. Milk spilling all over the place! I have tried all types of nipples. And they still spill. So, today was the first day that I nursed only. I was afraid to do that because I didn't think my supply was enough. But after nursing every 3 hours he acted a little hungry so I topped him off with a little formula but then he spit it up. So, I guess he is getting enough from me. Whoo hoo... Along with that Owen has stayed awake pretty much all day.

Pictures from today.

Still Perfect

2009-07-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

Yep. Little Owen is still perfect. Some nights are a little longer than others. But for the most part, he gets up at midnight, 2 am and 5am. He is more alert during the day, but still only seems to cry if he is hungry.

July 2nd he had his first shower with mommy. He likes the shower very much. He doesn't cry until you take him out of the shower into the cold. And after he calms down and gets warm I can usually lay him in the bassinet and he just lays down nice and calm and looks around in amazement at the world around him.

Also on the 2nd we went and heard Jon's friend Don play bluegrass at this small resturaunt. Jon was all worried we would have to leave early because Owen might not like the loud music. "Silly Jon, you know we have a perfect baby". He sat and listened and looked around and then fell asleep. And it's not that it was quiet, it was nice and loud. And the only time he jumped was when some of the other people clapped really loud.

Here is a picture from that night.

Thoughts from the first week

2009-06-16T18:17:00.000-07:00

I knew love could come so early.

3am the first night home and trying to figure everything out. Being completely exhausted but still loving it.

I don't want and expect to get PPD, but definitely feel the emotions. Two days before Jon had to go back to work, I was already sad to see him go.

Never thought I would be waiting and excited to see a poopie diaper.

I had planned from the beginning to try breast feeding. I knew it was going to be difficult because of my own personal issues. The main reason I was planning on breast feeding was to save money. I knew it would be better for Owen and convenient and the bonding experience, but my only purpose was to save money. I am a private person and didn't think I would be comfortable with this little person attached to me. And I have inverted nipples, which has made it more difficult for the average woman, so it has yet to be convenient and I don't think it will
ever be. I think I will mostly have to pump, which is time consuming and somewhat annoying. But I don't want to stop now. I figured I would have given up by now. But I love it. I just wish it was easier for me. It makes me sad that it is so difficult and upsets me that I may have to give up at some point because it may not be realistic at some point. I enjoy our time together (when I don't have to pump) and love the fact that all the work I have to do is the best for him. So, while I still like the money that I am saving, but now I do it for all the reasons.

So much time just sitting and starring.

3 day babies

2009-06-12T15:15:00.000-07:00

3 day old Jon

3 day old Owen

3 day old Sarah

My life has officially changed

2009-06-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

He is here. My new love. And the way he made it into this world was nothing as I expected. Probably because I never really imagined how it may or may not go. I thought about what I would like but never day dreamed about it. If I over thought it or day dreamed about it I knew it would make the days go so slow and it would probably turn out the complete opposite of my dreams.

But if I had had imagined how I would like it to go, it would go like this:

Tuesday, June 9, 2009 I woke up like every other day. I slept till 9am and had to rush to eat breakfast and take a shower and dry my hair before I had to leave for my 11:30 midwife appointment. I headed off to the Vanderbilt office in our truck, to save on putting mileage on the car. Bad idea, the air conditioning was out and I didn't realize it till it was too late. By the time I got to the office I was definitely feeling the heat.

At almost 39 weeks I was happy that the scale stopped at 214lbs. Only 1lb gained from the week before. (especially since the week before I had gained 4 lbs in a week). I only decided to be checked for dialation because I hadn't had any braxton hicks (or any that I concidered pre-contractions) but had felt a lot of pressure and was afraid I would be further along than I realized if were to go into later and be stuck in traffic or something else horrible. Well, good thing I did get checked, I was 4cm, 80% and -1. I was also informed that my cervex was like a woman that had given birth before (nice huh). The midwife said she didn't expect me to make it to the next weeks appointment, but I made one non the less.

So, I head to my moms house to have lunch. As soon as I get there I felt a small gush but wasn't sure if my water had broke after about 5 minutes of contemplating whether I had or hadn't, there was the big one. So, there was no more question. After calling the midwife she said to give it 2 hours and to call back and give an update. Jon gets off work, picks me up and takes me home. We finish packing and at the end of the 2 hour mark I had had 2 contractions (but I could still talk through them). We called the midwife and she was concerned like us about waiting to long because by that time it was 3:00pm and down town traffic would soon become a problem. So, we headed to the hospital. Contractions were coming on steady the whole ride. By the time we got checked in and got a room it was around 4 and I was 6-7cm. I was laying in the bed trying to remember to breathe and not tense up. I told the nurse I was planning on trying to go natural but I would let her know if I changed my mind. I did ask if most people asked for the epidural by now, and she told me most had already had it for hours. Which made me think I actually had a chance to get it done. But honestly getting the epidural never even crossed my mind again.

By the time the midwife on duty got to my room (That had been the 4 time I had met her and she still introduced herself like she didn't remember me, which actually didn't make me too happy). Right when she entered the room the nurse made a comment about me trying natural and the midwife told me "well then you need to get in the shower to not be so tense." I sensed a tone of oh geez another one thinking she will be able to do it natural (which didn't seem right with her being a MIDWIFE) but I don't know if she really had that tone or if it was just the pain. I really had no interest getting in the shower, but she was pretty persistant, so I went ahead knowing it really wouldn't help my contractions. And they didn't. Yes, the shower felt good with no contractions but I really think the very first contraction in the shower I was already at 10. But since I wasn't sure I stayed in for I guess about 10 mins. I did eventaully had to start screaming/yelling to get through the pain. (my poor father in law got so freaked out I heard) So, by the time I had had enough and got back into the bed they told me to push.

I was also not to happy that no one offered to hold my legs and they didn't bring out any stirrups and expected me to pull back on my theighs. I straight out told them no because I had no strength since no one was holding my legs. Jon eventually held one and I got off and on leverage from some of the nurses. The student midwife they had to deliver me gave me a hip to put foot on and I had a pleasing feeling being able to pinch her with my finger toes. (I heard she was cringing) I could get through the pushes without screaming, just making loud (closed mouth) screaches. I noticed the calming feeling in my muscles between pushes and knew that all the pain would be gone as soon as he was out. I pushed for I think about 45 minutes. And was happy to feel the "ring of fire" I had heard so much about. It was bad, but not quite as bad as I had expected.

So, at 11:45am I had been told I was 4cm with not noticing any braxton hicks or contractions. 12:30 my water had broken, 2:50 I had had my first 2 contractions. Was at the hospital at close to 4:00pm at 6-7cm. Started pushing around 5:15. And at 5:57 my little boy Owen Hampton Bradford was born. He weighed in a 8lbs 7oz and was 21in. He has a full set of dark hair and has his daddy's dark complextion.

I feel so lucky in my life right now. I have a wonderful husband that supports me in whatever I do. I had an easy and uneventful pregnancy. I had a fast, managable pain and memoriable labor and delivery. And if that wasn't enough I have a beautiful, calm and perfect son.

I am ready for whatever life throws at us next. This experience has brought me even more love in my life and makes me want to live it as long as I can and to take advantage of that life. I pray that we continue to be a happy healthy family.

Belly Shots

2009-05-26T18:33:00.000-07:00

Along with maternity shots, Amanda also took some more artistic photos focused on the belly. These are my favorites. Tell me what you think.

Maternity Photos at Cannonsburg

2009-05-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

So, here are some of the photos my bestest took of me and my hubby. I picked some of my favorites. Tell me what you think.

Getting Close

2009-05-26T17:11:00.000-07:00

So, I had my 37 week appointment today and they did the strep B test. I will get my results next week. I go every week from now on. My blood pressure is in the "wonderful" range. And the midwife says he is an average size. She predicts he won't be anymore than 8lbs. I have a hard time believing her, because I was such a big baby, but I am hoping she is right. He is head down. And he likes sticking his little butt out. They asked if I wanted them to check me. I said I don't think it's needed but WTH "it will give me a taste of what the future will hold" They did the exam and asked if it hurt. I said not really. And she was like, "you are just easy going aren't you?" I said pretty much but it was nice to hear. Hopefully I am in the right mind set and the labor will go a little easier than if I were all stressed out.

But anyways I was right. The cervix is nice a tight! I predict he will be at least a week late. Everything else is just great.

So, the main midwife I was seeing is leaving at the end of June, so I got transfered to a new midwife. I really like her. I saw her for the first time 2 weeks ago, and she remembered me this time. I saw one of the nurses and I can't remember if the second or the third meeting she introduced herself like it was the first time I had met her. And the new midwife even remembered that I think I am allergic to pnecillian. She is very nice and answers all my questions and doesn't make me feel like a retard by asking them. She is a petite woman with small hands but has a strong hand shake. Which I am sure some people wouldn't even notice. But I remember learning in college how a handshake makes all the difference, so I always try to have a good handshake and pay attention to others.

Oh, I started off at 170lbs and today I weighed at 209lbs. While I am sure most women freak out about 39lbs (plus at the end of this). But I am not worried about (yet). I am actually feeling pretty good. I think I look pretty great (minus the ugly stretch marks). And I have gotten a lot of comments of how nice I look pregnant and really not that big. (I mean I am big, but not big big.)

I want to send a big THANK YOU to everyone's nice comments. It really has meant a lot!

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. It was smushed full of activities. I can't believe I am still walking.

It started Friday, where I helped Amanda get organized for our garage sale on Saturday. It went well. But BOY did she have a LOT of clothes. The bags kept coming and coming, I didn't think it would ever end. And after that Amanda took some artistic belly shots. Photos coming soon. After I left there I went to Old Time Pottery to pick up 2 winner and loser gifts for the BUNCO game I was to hold the next day. I got these funky vases with 2 flowers each. I think the rest of the day was restful.

I didn't sleep well that night. And was up around 4am. Headed to the garage sale at 6am and stayed till after 1pm. Jon came to help around 9. We did pretty well for having most of our stuff be less than $1. I scored $150.00. Whooo hooo. After the sale I had to come home and clean my house and made some yummy puppy chow to prepare for a BUNCO game. A good amount of people made it and the game was great. I didn't get to bed till after 1am. And again didn't sleep well.

But luckily it wasn't because of being uncomfortable or had anything to do with the baby. It was just one of those can't sleep well nights. Like being to too tired.

So, Sunday Jon and I went to the movies for a matinées. He was very excited, because I never like spending money to go to the movies. He even splurged and got popcorn and a drink. Personally the popcorn really wasn't that good. The kind I sneak in is much better. After that we went to Target where I attempted to find a nursing bra. But since I am retarded I couldn't find one that fit. (guess it would help if I knew the size or the way to figure out the size). Jon cooked some YUMMY hamburgers for dinner. After dinner we started watching "Benjamin Button" but stopped watching after an hour due to boredom.

So, Monday I was planning on resting all day. But we ended up spending the day driving. An activity that my husband really enjoys. We stopped by the Lebanon outlet mall. Which was stupid because the only thing they have is clothes. And since I am huge and don't know what size I will be after Owen is born there is no reason to even look at clothes. So, then we drove some more towards Bowling Green. But the hubby got distracted and missed the turn and didn't realize it for like 30 miles. We ended up making our way back to Bowling Green and went to the mall. There I went to the Motherhood Maternity store where I actually had some one size me. The bra I had on which I had before I got pregnant and fits just fine tag says 38A. I have always been a small girl. And yes they have gotten a little bigger. Well, the lady at the store told me a 36D. Holey Moley. And that size fit. So, I really don't understand why my old bra that says 38A fits and the new one says 36D and fits. Yes, the first bra could have been labeled wrong, but I know I was not that big. Oh well I'll take it while it lasts.

So, that's it. A filled weekend that ended me being tired, swollen and with some sun. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I like staying busy.

And Another Painting

2009-05-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

I painted this from a photo I took from a trip I took to Gulf Shores back in 2007.

Original Photo

Painting

8.5" x 11" $15.00

Baby Shower #2

2009-05-18T15:27:00.000-07:00

Well my second baby shower was awesome. And I knew it would be.

Fun Games
Good food
Great Gifts

But most of all Fabulous People.

Pictures, Pictures and more Pictures

Curly Girls

Cloth diapers. Hope it goes well so I can prove my husband wrong

Another Painting

2009-05-14T14:55:00.000-07:00

Summer Tree:

8.5" x 11 $15.00

2 new paintings

2009-05-07T15:10:00.000-07:00

Took me awhile to finally finish them. But they are done. Anyone want them? I don't need them here.

Piano: 11"x 17" $15.00

Autumn Tree: 8.5" 11" $15.00

Like I said...

2009-05-07T07:39:00.001-07:00

things happen for a reason. And more about why its a great thing I am no longer working at my previous job came out yesterday. In the past 4 days I met with the two people that weren't able to make my shower. And both of them were furniture sales reps that I assisted and was very close with. One just recently quit A-Z and I think the other is not far behind.

Without going into detail (since too much would have to be said and it still wouldn't be understood). Basically the power that be have continued to lie to everyone in my former department. My boss has also been demoted (which I knew) and he had to sign another non compete, and he signed it (STUPID).

so, that office is extremely stressful and if they would have cut my pay and let me stay. I don't think they would have ever laid me off (or it would have been much much later) and I would not have only been pregnant but would've had to deal with all that stress. And getting up in the morning would have been miserable. Working would've been miserable. The days would've been never ending. So, slow it would probably only be March, instead of May. I wouldn't have gotten the better insurance, I would've probably ended up quiting. Which means I wouldn't be on unemployment. And I wouldn't have had maternity leave.

And I hear that the reputation is definitely being affected.

So, I will say it again just as I did right before my boss told me of my laid off. "Everything happens for a reason, I will be fine"

I am sure there will be more in the future to show me even more how good it is to have been laid off.

Cinco de Mayo

2009-05-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

So, tonight I actually suggested going out to eat. My husband was shocked. And not only that I suggested Mexican, to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, great celebration when I can't even drink. So, we went on our way, and drove by numerous places that were just packed. (duh!!! its CINCO DE MAYO). We drove all around town and eventually made a huge circle and ended where we started.

So, we had to wait for about 20 minutes. But at the end of the wait this country (drunk) woman came in and gave us and everyone else some good laughs. We eventually got sat and it did take forever to get service.

But Jon and I had a conversation that was small in nature but was very special to me.

I don't know how it started. But Jon began talking about his ex (yes you are probably thinking how can a conversation started about an ex turn into a conversation that is special to you). He then talked about her daughter and how the relationship turned was more about the child than the ex. And then he said well you know how that is. Referring to Ben.

Pretty close to this time last year I had to make the hardest decision about stepping out of Ben's life. Because it was too stressful for everyone and all the stress just made me angry when I was with Ben and I didn't want Ben to remember me in that way. And I just knew it would never be ok, because I would never have any rights and it would always be a fight. Well, the past year has been very difficult for me. Getting married without Ben. Halloween, Thanksgiving, his birthday and especially Christmas were especially difficult. While Jon was as supportive as he can be, it was something that I felt that he just didn't understand. So, I wouldn't talk to him about how I was feeling.

But he asked me this night if I felt like I made the right decision. I told him that I think it was the right thing to do but I still miss him and still hope that someday somehow I would be able to see him. But that I didn't feel that that was something that could happen anytime soon. I wanted to make sure his life and his dad's life is settled.

That is about all that the conversation consisted of but Jon did seem to care and understand, which I know which is something he should and not saying he never did. I just was always afraid he didn't.

I will always love you Ben.

Baby Shower #1

2009-04-27T09:20:00.000-07:00

So, I had my 1st baby shower yesterday and it was very nice. Almost everyone I wanted there was able to make it. And the 2 that weren't able to make it I plan on seeing in the next 2 weeks. We played the chocolate poop diaper game, and it was hilarious watching everyone looking and smelling "poopy" diapers.

We also played the toilet paper game. Only 11 squares!

We had ice cream sundaes and my sister got us these cute little monkey cupcakes.

I got some great gifts. Everything we got we needed.

A pacifier, and a clip to keep it on the baby
bibs
sheets
growth charts
books
a few toys
spoons
sippy cup
bottles
baby wipes
hooded towels
washcloths
blanket
rattle
mirrors for the car
Pj's
backpack for travel

Annoyed

2009-04-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

So, I have been sick with a cold for over a week. And right now I am just annoyed. I am annoyed with being sick. But mostly I am annoyed with the way some people act.

First, it irritates me how people don't RSVP for things they are invited too. How hard is it to let the host know Yes or No. Especially if you ARE planning on being there. That doesn't let the host plan properly.

Secondly, it's kind of funny to me how easy it is to predict some peoples actions. How you can ask for a favor and while being hopeful, you just know its not going to happen. Something that shouldn't be that big of a request seeing that it is for a family member. But that doesn't matter.

And Family! That annoys me even more. But I don't even want to get into that.

This just makes me aware of what kind of person I want to be and who I want in my life and who I will go out of the way for.

My Early Riser

2009-04-06T14:49:00.000-07:00

So, my husband cracks me up. 2 weekends ago he preached how we were doing nothing that weekend. And then less than an hour later he called to tell me we were doing such and such. I don't remember what we did. But pretty sure we ended up being busy all weekend. Well, this weekend was pretty much the same. He got up at like 5:30. And came back up to wake me up at 7:30 with opening up the windows, jumping on the bed, taking my covers.

We ended up spending the whole day at my mom's. Where he installed her new washer, dryer and chest freezer. He also fixed her privacy fence. He is so great to me and my family.

Well, if Saturday wasn't early or crazy enough. Jon got up again at 5:30 and again woke me up at 7:30. He then informed me he had already been to the grocery store and to dunken doughnut and got a coffee and dozen doughnut. He was up so early that the stores didn't even have Sunday papers yet.

We ended up going golfing and watching movies the rest of the day.

Hopefully he will keep this getting up early thing on the weekends after the baby is born so I can sleep in a little bit.

I want to still be me

2009-04-01T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am not nieve. I have read enough and listen to enough from other mommies and know how much time will be spent on the baby. (Duh) I am very worried about losing me. I have already felt like I am losing myself. Being stuck at home and no longer feeling it would be best for me to start a new job so close to having a baby, is making me already feel the loneliness. I want to raise great kids but not lose me in the way. But that is making me really think what is there really to me to begin with. I read so much from people of my past who have chosen a career that allows them to travel (how fun, why didn't I come up with that). A career where not only they get to help people but they get paid really well. (why can't I want to help people. :)

I feel I have no real love beside art and don't feel I can do anything with that. While I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I am already feeling that everything I have just said its not true. I want to have my own business creating kids rooms, I want to produce my own art works, I would love to learn more about photography, more about sculpture, jewelry making, oil painting, sewing and probably many more. I really want to learn even more about dance (like I have been saying for years).

I just keep getting stuck because learning and trying all these things takes money. And I just have such a hard time spending money. Which I am sure will get so much worse when I have a child that will need things. And I just get stuck on not feeling good enough and being too shy to promote myself.

So, anyways the start of this post was for me to list all the things I want to make an effort to do after the baby is here: for ME.

Shave my legs once a week
Get dressed 3x a week
style my hair once a week
Hang out with other moms 1-2 times a week. (and not just the same one or two)
Do something sweet or surprising for my husband once a month
Try a new recipe once every two weeks
Along with filling my camera with pictures of the baby, taking pictures of me and my husband as well.
Continue the bathroom picture tradition between me and the BFF
Try and go to the gym 3x a week (eventually)
Go to dance events that don't cost an arm and a leg
Talk to 5 people a week about my business
Constantly learn more about Art.

If you can think of anything else that would be a good idea, let me know.

"If you seek Amy"???

2009-03-31T08:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw/heard Britney Spear's new music video on VH1 "if you seek Amy" (F-*-C-K ME).

Surprise surprise.

Ever since she has "come back" I can't stand her and her songs. Her first song "Womanizer" which criticizes men for being a womanizer but yet she is laying naked on a bench (that's is not necessary) especially when you are coming back from being crazy. I really hated it because it was kind of catchy, and I hate to want to sing along to it.

And now a song that is basically saying F-U-C-K Me. She is just going for shock value, she can't come up with a song that just shows her talent. Oh wait, she doesn't have any talent except taking her clothes off.

I am totally over her, oh wait I was never into her.

Before Baby

2009-03-30T07:11:00.001-07:00

Things I want to do (get done) for the baby comes:

clean/organize office
Garage sale
Winter clothes under the bed
Clutter free master bedroom
attempt lasagna from scratch
make "winter, spring, summer, fall" art work for my mom
make a few other art pieces
Try to work out a couple of times a week
make a picture dvd of pictures from our baby pictures

Penny Pizza on Two cents Tuesday

2009-03-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

So, my hubby brought home pizza after he got out of school. He surprised me with Pizza. Once of our fave foods. He did one of those order from Pizza Hut online the first time get 20% off. So, he got himself a large and me their special dea medium for .01
That makes me happy that he thought of a way to save money, but DAMN pizza hut. If you are going to do a special you need to make it as good as your regular priced pizza. They obviously only put a penny worth of cheese on this pizza. I was soooooo pissed.

Something you may not have known

2009-03-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

I come from a very small family. And my family has been the cause of much of my sadness. I grew up with both my biological mother and father living under the same roof. But most of my memories they never really seemed "together". My mom is my rock. I love her more than anything. But my mom has weight and health issues, that has made her not be in my life as much as her and I would like. My father was always in the house but I never really felt he was there. He is or at least was a very negative person. He can deal with newborns and adults, but not in between. Watching old family movies of when I was younger than 8, he really seems like a good guy and I wish I remembered those things. And my relationship with him is definitely better now that I am an adult and better with me than anyone else in the family. So, that is a plus.

My mothers parents had both passed by the time she was 21 and she became estrained from her only sister. My father is from Germany so his entire family is an ocean away and I have only met a few of them once. My mother's aunt and uncle, adopted me and my brother as their grandkids, but I have also not seem them in over 10 years and rarely talk to them, that it doesn't really feel like family.

I have a brother that is 19 now. But very immature. I blame most of it on the way my father was a father. And my mom tried (tries) to do her best, but he is just not someone you can get close with. At least not yet.

I have a half sister, who is so much older than me she could almost be my mother. We are very different. And while she is a good person and we have never bickered. We have never been very close and seem to be moving in even further directions.

I had a half brother, that passed away about 2 years ago. But after he did some stupid things when he was a teenager, when I was young, he was estrained from the family. He did end up on the right path. And at one point was married to a woman that had MS (the same disease my mom has) and stayed by her side until she passed away. I wish he had lived closer, because I really think we could have been close.

And that is it. 2 parents in all their glory. 2 living siblings that I don't communicate with. And 0 grandparents or Aunts/Uncles or Cousins.

I get depressed often about my lack of family but I try to remember that some people grow up with horrible parents that do horrible things. And some grow up on the streets or in foster homes and have no family at all.

With me growing older, I have noticed how much your parents really shape you into who you are. Whether how they raised you had a direct or indirect affect, it has an effect.

My parents are very anti-social. Which in turn, made me incredibly shy. I have made a big improvement but it is something I have to make a conscious effort on. I become very uncomfortable in family situations. With my husband's family, I just sit quietly as they relive all the memories they have had and I become very overwhelmed when they have family get togethers with all the different twist and turns the limbs of their family tree takes.

So, while I want to teach my children the same values I have learned: manners, respect, responsibilty, humility, kindness, the value of hard work and the worth of a dollar. I also want to instill somethings I feel I missed out on: socialization, adventure, a passion for many things and new things. But most importantly to value the family you have, something I obviously still need to work on.

busy morning

2009-03-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

So, I was informed that the grand-laws were going to be in town to see the nursery and take me to lunch. So, that means that I had (wanted to finish the room). So, that meant sewing the curtains and cleaning the carpets.
So, that meant me going over to Amanda's house early this morning to get my first sewing lesson. It wasn't too hard. I got most of it, but not sure my pregnant brain really grasped everything. But they turned out pretty good. A few more lessons and I wouldn't be surprised if Amanda created a monster.

When I got home, I hung up the curtains, cleaned the carpets and the upholstered toy box that I had growing up. I was hoping the toy box would look nice under the window. It is a little to small. But it will do for now. I have to add a little more to the last piece of monkey art and then I will be ready to show off my baby's room to all.

The in laws came. Loved the nursery and then we went to O'charleys.

I have been resting the rest of the day because I felt tired and now I feel pretty hot.

BTW, I went to get the diabetes test done on Monday and didn't hear anything yesterday, so that is supposed to mean I am all good.

Perfect Timing

2009-03-15T08:17:00.000-07:00

I have always said and felt that things happen for a reason. And sometimes you don't know the good that comes from change until much later.

As I said before we weren't trying to get pregnant and we weren't not trying. That month (after our wedding) was the first time since I started having sex I didn't worry or think about getting pregnant. And BINGO, there you go. I guess if someone would have asked us, we would have said we would probably wait a little while. Just to be newly weds (by ourselves for awhile). And I always said I wanted to go snowboarding before I got pregnant. And I was hoping that that would be this year. Well, that didn't happen since we are basically having a honeymoon baby.

But disappointment never crossed my mind. Shock crossed my mind, how easy it was. Some excitement. I know I will be getting more excited once it gets closer.

But I have come to realize, that it was actually the perfect time. If we would have even just waited 3 months. I would have gotten laid off, and I would have never allowed us to get pregnant with me not having a job. But while being a "housewife" for 6 months before the baby is born is not what I wanted, I do think that this baby is coming at the right time. And not working for 6 months is just a sacrifice I will have to take.

It is becoming more exciting, thinking about Owen being here in 3 short months. Having the room almost done. Most of the stuff already bought. Reading up on labor and delivery. But I am not naive. I know I have NO idea what to expect for labor. But I am just trying to let it flow. Not to get anxious, not get too excited. It's working so far. But I know I may be somewhat excited, but I am also starting to get the "Oh crap, what have I done feeling". No more ME. No more US (Jon and I). I will be responsible for another human being. Be responsible for feeding, changing, dressing, nurturing, disciplining, guiding, teaching, training and most of all loving. I know the days and moments leading up to the arrival I will overcome with emotions. I am prepared to be a boo hoo mess when he is born. And that is pretty scary for me, because I don't like showing that type of emotion. I guess I need to be prepared to just let my emotions go and just enjoy the life altering change that we are about to enduring.

There is going to be a little person from me and my husband in no more than 18 weeks. Here we go!

Bum Day

2009-03-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know what it is with me today. I rolled out of bed a little later than usual 8:30 (and I do mean rolled, after my back cracked). Went down stairs to make myself 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon and 2 pieces of toast. Sat and watched my usual "babyshow", started watching an episode of "Jon and Kate plus 8". And thought to myself, " I want to go back to bed". I wasn't tired, I felt fine under the circumstances. Just wanted to lie in bed. And that is what I did. In my "what 10 weeks home?" I have not spent 1 day doing nothing.

Now I am not saying I pack my days FULL. But I always make sure to do something. Go somewhere. Clean something. Paint something. Apply Somewhere. Interview with someone. Make myself useful in some sort of way.

Today, NO. I didn't want to do anything. I feel like this reasoning should have some reasoning behind it. Like being sick or depressed or tired or too big. I am not sick. I am not really tired (except the tiredness you feel from doing nothing all day). I am not too BIG yet. (sitting is starting to hurt my ribs, and my lower lower lower back hurts (that really doesn't feel pregnancy related but more of sitting too much, but its probably just preggoness).

And the weird thing is its really not depression either. While thinking of why my sudden day of not wanting to do anything. I feel like it should have something to do with being upset or depressed. But I really don't feel that way. Don't get me wrong I am not all rainbows. And the reason I am here still infuriates me. But besides a few "nightmares" that wake me up in sweats, I try and not think about it much.

I must say doing nothing all day and having no reason for nothing is hard feeling to described. So, I guess I'll stop it there!

Oppsie Poopsie

2009-03-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am totally blaming this on the pregnancy brain.

I WALKED INTO THE MEN'S BATHROOM AT WALMART!!!!

There was a man sittin on the pot and a little boy at the urinal. ( I thought he was washing his hands at first.) But when I realized it was a urinal, I bolted.

It was quite funny. Oh well. I made it through a live. And actually the women's bathroom smelled worse then the men's!!!

This picture has a whole new meaning to me.

Birthday Review

2009-03-07T16:54:00.001-08:00

I remember being woken up as usual on my birthday morning by my husband getting ready for work. And him leaving the room with out my typical goodbye "love you" kiss. And I remember thinking to myself "he better be back up here before he leaves, because I'll be damned if I don't get a kiss on my birthday"

But I quickly fell back asleep, just to be woken up shortly after with the biggest breakfast in bed I have every gotten.

2 eggs, 2 pieces or bacon, 2 pieces of sausage, 5 biscuits and an orange. I don't know what he was thinking, but better too much than not enough.
The breakfast was a lot better than it probably appears in this picture.

I had lunch with my mom. I was going to bring Chili's to her work, but there was a break in communication and by the time I got out there, it was realized no one ordered it. So, I just went to burger king, which was actually my second choice. And my mom had brought me 2 chocolate covered with sprinkled doughnuts. (well probably one for me and one for her, but I ate them both)

And then for dinner, me and the hubby went to Olive Garden. Which I got my typical Lasagna and actually ate it all.

So, my birthday was based around eating. But that is ok.

25 at 26

2009-03-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

Today I am 25 weeks pregnant. And today marks the day of my 26 years on earth.

It has been 10 years of driving.
8 years of legally being able to smoke, but not smoking one day of it. (not really)
5 years of legally being able to drink, and spending many days doing it.
15 years of being in the double digits.

In my 26 years. I have done somethings. But there are many things I want to do.

As a child I played 4 sports: Soccer, Basketball, Dance and Softball.
Tried 3 instruments: Piano, Flute and baritone.
Owned 4 vehicles: Geo Metro, The little sister to the Geo Metro (the name has left me at the moment), Chevy Silverado (my stupid impulse buy to buy something big) and our Nissan Sentra.
Only been to 8 states, so 44 others to go.
Was in highschool for 3 years and college for 6
I have owned 2 houses.
Been married twice, but only had 1 wedding.

The numbers have been interesting but I am hoping for many more experiences and many more numbers.

Lucky I am, Peeing be me.

2009-03-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

So, This pregnancy has been great. Owen is starting out to be a great baby, hopefully it will continue after his birth.

I have had no morning sickness. No tenderness, no soarness. No moodiness. No cravings. Smooth sailing.

But since the 2nd trimester the peeing is gradually getting worse.
These past few weeks its become even more frequent.
It's my own fault, because I don't think to drink water all day. So, when I do drink water I drink more at one time. So, after that is the time the peeing doesn't stop.

Last night I was an idiot and drank a lot of water. So, every 30 minutes I was peeing. (For like 4 hours)

So, anyways. Now I know the need for soft TP.

Two Minutes

2009-03-03T10:22:00.000-08:00

So, my interview only lasted 2 minutes. I didn't feel as if I said anything wrong. I actually felt it went pretty well. Except the fact it was only 2 minutes. So, what do you think the chances are that I will get an offer from a 2 minute interview?

Wonder if they could tell I am pregnant?

Waste of Time?

2009-03-03T07:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I am off to go probably waste an hour. I have an interview with a contemporary furniture as a sales person. I am not a sales person. Even though I would rather be a sales person at a contemporary furniture than anywhere else. But I can't depend on a commission job right now. And I am not sure if it would be worth it to drive all the way to greenhills.

And it's hard to get excited when I look pregnant and I only really have 3 months left of work time till I will need off. And I am no idiot, the likelihood of me actually getting a job at this point is pretty slim.

But I am off. At least I will get out of the house.

Scrabble Anyone

2009-02-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

So, I have had this idea for a scrabble board art work for a few months now. Its close to being done. There are some other finishing touches I want to do. But I am so excited I wanted to go ahead and post a picture. It is centered around the upcoming arrival of OWEN HAMPTON.

Oh boy the baby stuff

2009-02-24T05:32:00.000-08:00

Things are starting to come together.
This weekend Jon and I went to our very first consignment sale together. And that will be the last sale Jon will EVER go to. He was just in a hurry to get out of there and was more a pain in the ass then the brawn I wanted. But I feel we scored. We bought a swing, a pack and play, a baby carrier, a little gym and a small breast pump. All for $110.
We then went to spend the day with his mother for her birthday. That day we went to Burlington to look at baby stuff and I bought some maternity tops. We then went to Babys R Us where we pretty much finished all the big baby stuff needs. We have the crib and changing table. The bedding, with mobile and window valance. The car seat, stroller and bouncy seat is also taken care of.
I know what colors I want to paint in the room, just need to figure out the little details.

OH to be a designer

2009-02-16T15:30:00.000-08:00

Sometime it's hard for me to be a designer. It's always a guessing game in my head. I love design. I love color. I love paint. I love fabric. But it's so frustrating when dealing with my own space. I can never make a decision. I second guess all my decisions. I can never just let it be.
I want my baby boy's room to be awesome. And I just keep thinking it will turn out blah. But then I know that it's really not important. He will not know the difference whether the walls are white, pink or a time consuming jungle mural room. The only thing that matters is that I take care of him and love him with all my heart.

I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

22 weeks

2009-02-16T15:11:00.000-08:00

Last week was week 22. Jon and I had to go into a genetic specialist to see if the cyst had gone away. It has. I wasn't worried. Thank God.
We finally settled on a name (i think). We have decided on Owen. Not common or "traditional" but not unique and weird. You see it and know exactly how to pronounce it and spell it. Which is something important to me.

Here is a picture of our little guy.
Well I am not sure how "little" he is.
At 22 weeks he is supposed to be a little under 1lb
And the Ultrasound tech says they estimate him to be:
1lb 4oz. Yes, its an estimate but maybe this is a sign of a big baby.

Give Aways!

2009-02-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

Check out this giveaway for organic beauty products!
organic facial products

WIN BUBLERIDE INDIE STROLLER!!!

win x-shot!!!

win personalized pacifier

WIN georgie tees!!!!!

enter to win WALL TALKS!!

these baby shoes from SEE-KAI-RUN are to die for!!!

WIN PEDOODLES SHOES

Housewife for hire

2009-02-02T16:06:00.000-08:00

Wanted: Housewife

Position available for woman no longer wanting to work outside the home. Duties include doing dishes daily, sweeping, mopping and vacuuming floors. Washing and folding clothes never ends. Cleaning toilets is to be done weekly. Grocery shopping on a strict budget from a one income family is a must. Dusting, making beds, scrubbing tubs, wiping down counters, preparing meals and picking up endless clutter are also to be expected. There are no kids, so you are not expected to be a nanny. But there is no extra money to go shopping and window shopping will be too tempting, so it is not suggested.
When those duties are done or your bored of that you can bring excitement to your life with talk shows, soap operas and the same old websites.
The first week or two will be great but this position is needed indefinitely, and anyone who doesn't desire to be bored and feel useless should not reply.

If you are working and this sounds like the life for you please contact me immediately and we can switch shoes. Because wearing a house coat and slippers all day is NOT the life for me.

Rules

2009-01-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

There as so many rules and No No's when pregnant.
No deli meat
Not too much Tuna
No Smoking
No drugs (damnit!) (just kidding)
No drinking (double damnit) (that damnit is legit)
No caffeine
No runny eggs
No laying on your back after 18 weeks
Take your prenatals
Don't sit too long
Don't stand too long
Paint in a ventilated room
Drink Water
Drink Water
Keep a distance from Kitty Litter
No hot baths.

The hardest one for me is No Crossing Your Legs.
Crossing Legs= Varicose Veins=Not Pretty

I catch myself doing it all the time!

My baby's first day

2009-01-15T14:59:00.000-08:00

I am so proud of my boy.

This is him on his way to his first day of school.

This was a last minute picture, I'll get more when my baby gets home.

The past week without a job

2009-01-14T13:19:00.001-08:00

Its been interesting. I have tried to stay busy. I have had 2 meetings since the 2nd. The first was for a sales/customer rep for a flower shop. The interviewee told me how sh had had 80 responses to her craigslist response. I talked to her today and she informed me she had narrowed it down to 3. And that she would like the 3 of us to come in at seperate times for 4 hour block. To try it out to see who is the best fit. Which is crazy to me because I have been on a lot f customer service interviews and that has never occured. But that is how the economy is making it. They can be super choosy. So, of course I will have to do it. And I am sure it will be fine. It's kind of cool that out of 80, I am one of the 3 best.

I had a meeting today with a furniture dealership. Just to learn about the company and for the manager to figure out who I was. They have large bids out right now and are getting to know the possiblities of future employers before they get over their heads. I felt ok about that interview. Just wish I had learned even more at my previous job.

I have stayed positive through most of this. But with my pay check we were living pay check to pay check. If I don't find a job, we will be a couple hunderejd short each week. That's stressful for anyone who has lost their job. I am finding it even more stressful, because it feels like I am having to sacrifice on what is healthy and not so much for me, while I am trying to grow our little one.

I will continue to be as strong as I can be. I'll be damned if I will let what some good ole' country boys (out for themselves) did to me, get me down.

part of the huge 7%

2009-01-04T00:02:00.000-08:00

So the unemployment rate is somewhere at 7% in TN. That sounds so small, but when there are probably 200,000+ people unemployed, that seems like a huge number. Well, I am part of that 7% now. I had been telling people for months that I felt like it would be soon, and I had this feeling that I would be let go and the newly hired on intern would get to stay. The people I told, said that that would never happen. Well, they were Wrong.

Well she gets to stay and I got let go (because I make more money) And I told them yes, but I am pregnant and know a lot more, and why don't you let me know this and say I am sorry we need to cut your pay, then letting a 4 month pregnant girl go find a job in this economy?. I would rather get paid less than nothing.

They didn't think of that and they wanted me to stay on another week to pass on all my knowledge to everyone else and my cheap "Mexican" replacement and get paid for 4 weeks.

I told them I had a problem with that. It was then brought to me that I didn't have to train her for the following week (because they must have realized I would never do that). So they just gave me my 4 weeks severance.

They say it had nothing to do with me being pregnant. But here is a scenario and you tell me what you think.

The interns time was supposed to be over in the beginning of November. Well around Halloween my boss emailed me to ask what all the intern could do because he was going to go to the owner to try and get her to stay on. I told him and a few days later I asked what the owner had said. He basically said that the owner told him he was crazy because they had lost so much money. The next day (a few days) he came to me and asked when my maternity leave was. I reminded him that this great company of ours doesn't give maternity leave, but my due date was June 18. I asked him "you know I am planning on coming back" and he said yes. The next day the intern was hired on permanent. That was in the beginning of November. And January 2nd I am let go. What a cowinky dink!

I am being positive, but at the same time I am pissed. I would've been fine to be let go because of the economy, but the way they did it and me was wrong. So FUCK them. Karma always comes around. And I will help Karma find its way.

I usually wouldn't do something like this, but being professional got me a great paying job and led me to tell them I was pregnant as soon as I found out. So maybe if I wasn't so good I would still have my job.

Bringing Color into the New Year

2009-01-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

So, this year to celebrate the New Year, I laid on the couch because staying awake while pregnant till midnight is a challenge in itself, while my husband got this urge to paint our living room. I figured he would just paint around the trim and that I would have to help do both the first and second coats the next morning. Well, he stayed up till 2am. To finish the first coat. So luckily I only had to help finish the 2nd coat. The room is so big you couldn't even smell the fumes.

I love love love the color. And can't wait till I can afford to put a few other things on the wall.
It is definitely starting to feel like home.

Thankfully Christmas is over

2008-12-29T08:48:00.000-08:00

So Christmas was pretty hard for me this year and I am going to keep this short and sweet.

First year of an adult christmas and no children to make the holidays special with.
First Christmas without Ben. It was tough and I secretly cried to myself throughout the day.
Finding out that my sister has dinner with us on Christmas eve and saves Christmas Day for my ex-husband!

Merry FUCKING ho ho!!!

But the rest of the day I tried to make the best of it with the person I love, and the rest of the day with families went surprisingly well (for the most part).

Christmas Eve

2008-12-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

So, today we went to my sister house to have dinner. Everything went fine. We tried to listen the babies Heart beat with my sister's stethoscope. We could catch it every once and awhile. It was a little to early to be heard by a stethoscope though.

Candy man

2008-12-22T12:48:00.000-08:00

So Jon and I went to my mom's to make candy and gingerbread houses. Jon was hesitant to go. But my mom and I knew he would be all into once he got started. And look at the picture. What do you think?

Entering the real world of "mommies"

2008-12-18T14:36:00.000-08:00

I have been in a lot of mom groups, and people may find that hard to believe since I am expecting my 1st in June but its true. And while I love the idea about getting support, letting off steam, meeting new people and everything else that goes along with them. They are so difficult sometimes.
Seeing the same post after same post. I can no longer be supportive for fear I will just say something that is more nicely sarcastic but will just sound bitchy. And I can see even in these early stages how its all a compitition.
Now its, I am already showing, I already registered, I felt it move at 4weeks, and "heard the HB at 5weeks by putting my own ear to my tummy" (please someone explain to me how that is physically possible?) my son's penis is so big we could see it at 6 weeks.
And then it will turn into, my baby smiled, my baby is potty trained at 6 months, by baby can run at 9months, my baby can read at 2. and on and on.
And "room moms" feel like they have to stop something before it starts so its like no one can be in disagreement. And if you are in disagreement, then you should just skip the post and not voice your opinion.
Just because I voice a different opinion doesn't mean that I (or they) are right or wrong. We are just different. But the differences don't have to be silenced. A debate can go on without it having to be nasty. But some can't let it just be a healthy debate, and others can't let it become a debate at all.
So like all the other boards I have been on they start are great, then the disagreements, then the drama, then nastyness, the hurt feelings, and slowly people just drift away.

14 weeks

2008-12-17T12:30:00.000-08:00

So I went to the doctor today. Everything went fine and quick. Midwife came in went over my clean bloodwork. Listened to the HeartBeat. She said it was between 150 and 160.
According to the old Wives Tale. That means girl. But we will see on Jan 20th. I am not buying anything pink yet.

Tomorrow marks 14 weeks

2008-12-16T08:52:00.001-08:00

And I am going to the doctor to hopefully hear the heart beat. And if all goes well, that means the chances of making it full term are much greater. So my fingers are crossed. I think everything is going fine, I am not too worried.

Bagel Bites and Milk

2008-12-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

Just want to give my new husband props.
We were at the grocery store getting something for dinner and I looked at Jon and told him I was craving some bagel bites, he looked at me like I was crazy. But they didn't have any. Oh well.

Well two days later we were at Walmart doing our big shopping, we had gotten separated. I had been in the bread isle and met him in the frozen food. While walking by the french fries towards him something caught my eye to remember the bagel bites, and as I was opening my mouth to tell him about it. He said "I got you bagel bites". I was taken away once again by how much we read each others minds.

Well about a week later we had both just gotten home from work and I made a comment to him about how he could to the store at 3am in the morning to get milk before he had to go out of town. I said this in a kidding way, with no intentions of him really doing this. So much so that I had went to bed knowing I would get up a little early, go to the store, and get milk and a few other things. And that is what I did. And when I get home I put the milk in the fridge right next to the other gallon of milk Jon had gotten that morning.

I love my bagel bite/milk gettin man.

over-filled with love

2008-12-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

So,
I am looking through the wedding photos, and came up with a
way to alter 2 into 1. And came across our faces.

All I see is love and don't believe love like that can be faked. When I am depressed and angry let me remember this day and these faces.

mushroom

2008-11-14T06:18:00.000-08:00

I went to the midwife on Wed. for all the typical first visit tests. And then they decided to send me to get an ultra sound to find out exactly how far along I am.

I am 9weeks and 1day. Estimated Due Date June 18. I think he or she looks like the mushroom toad off of mario brothers. But it's sooooo cute! Only 7 months to go!

That didn't take long

2008-10-30T12:09:00.001-07:00

Well,
I am finally ready to write (type) it down. I am pregnant. I found out 1month and 1day after our wedding (Tuesday October 14). We were not trying but I wasn't my usual catious self. I ended up going to the doctor to make sure what I thought was a cold wasn't something more serious. Well, it was just a cold, but I also found out that there is the organism forming inside of me.

I had to wait all day to tell Jon. And after I did tell him, and a few big deep breathes. He FAINTED.

We have been slightly emotional dealing with unbelievable insurance problems (more like misses or mistakes)

Well, that makes me around 7 weeks, and I can't imagine 7-8 more months. I have been trying to stay calm, not let any stress in my life, get a lot of sleep, not think about all the things that could go wrong.

I only have had morning sickness once. And that was at night after I took my prenatal without any food. Otherwise, I am just now seeming to be really tired. And my stomach def. feels different. Like I can't eat, but need to eat, or don't want to eat, or I am starving. But I will take that over throwing up and nausua anyday.

Everyone is excited for us. I always thought I would want to find out the sex till the baby was delivered. But I already feel like I want to know. So, we will probably find out.

With my first marriage we discussed having kids, and because my ex had only boys in the family I desperately wanted a girl. To the point I may have been depressed if I had a boy.

Well now, I would be happy with either (almost prefer a boy) I just want "it" to be perfect.

I know Jon will make an awesome Daddy, and can't wait to see him in action.

more to come I am sure.

He married me...

2008-09-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we did it.

And the wedding was Beautiful. The only thing I would have changed was to have it 30 mins to an hour earlier because we ran out of day light.

We got hitched on the white sands of Grayton Beach. And it turned out perfect. I had to worry for 2 weeks about Hurricane Gustav, Hannah and Ike. But they all missed the area and it didn't rain once during our stay there. My dad ended up coming and walked me down the aisle. I rememeber walking down the boardwalk and smiling down at Jon, and telling myself to look down to make sure not to trip.

The officiant was very good but I was so wrapped up in the moment I don't remember much of what he said. I just kept looking at Jon, looking around at the beautiful scenery and thinking I can't believe it's here and it's perfect.

The months leading up to the wedding were emotional due to family issues, the weeks leading were stressful due to the unknowing weather, the days leading were fun and slightly drama filled, the hours leading were relaxed and slightly blank. While I was slightly concerned because I didn't feel all that excited, I knew it was probably because for 9 months I was an emotional wreck and knew it was almost over. My lack of excitement was eased by the fact that I was in no way nervous and did not have one ounce of doubt in my whole body. The few moments before walking up to my husband to be I was elated and filled with love.

During the ceremony I was anxious for that first kiss but taking in the beauty and trying to capture as much of the surroundings and going ons for my archieves . This really has been an up and down roller coaster for me for at least 6 months, but the day turned out better than I could have ever imagined and I would go through it all over again to have such a breath-taking experience.

"White" Sand & "White Trash"

2008-09-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well there was some drama on our wedding weekend, which is pretty much ok with me because it gives us stories and memories. Well the Thursday before we found out that Jon’s sister (Brittney) decided she was going to skip her classes on Monday so she could go to the wedding but had to go to a class on Thursday morning, well her mom wouldn’t wait for 2 hours for her to get out of class, so Brittney couldn’t go. That was a bummer to me.

Then Friday after Amanda and Julie (Amanda's mom) got there. We decided that we would make pizza because it would be cheaper on everyone (not wanting to go out to eat every night) Well Jon’s mom didn’t want to eat pizza, she wanted to go out to eat because this trip was her “Vacation”. So that made Jon upset, and also we decided to have a BBQ for the reception and ask his mom if we could have it at her place because the pool was nicer and they had grills next to the beach. Well when Amanda and her mom got there and while we were upstairs she said “Im not having all these people at my place” (real snotty, found out later that the realtors don’t allow parties, but that is all she had to say, and not be so bitchy about it.)

Then Don and Becky (the drunk) got there, we had pizza and everything was fine, everyone was talking with everyone. We decided after pizza to go to a dance club/bar with everyone and Amanda had bought a few bacholorette party games. We did some of them, but really wasn’t focused on it since Jon and Don were there and we really didn't think of it as a bacholorette party. Me and Amanda were just having fun with everyone. Well Becky was all about the game, and was getting all these guys to come up to me to tell them “they were a hottie” and so fourth (its part of the game) She was trying to help but she was going over board. And she was all over the bar talking to everyone, while everyone else just stayed together.

Well we ended up leaving and Amanda was the Designated Driver, and Don was in the back being obnoxious and Amanda told him to “Shut the F*** up” because she was trying to drive. Well once we got home and me and Amanda were upstairs, while Drunk Becky was talking about Amanda how “how dare she talk about Don that way to her "BF" (who she tells everyone is her fiance’) that was flirting with other woman at the bar) and Jon had to talk her down off her drunken stupper.

Saturday morning. Jon went golfing with Don (and Becky) and I went around with Amanda and her mom shopping and looking at beaches for the wedding. And Jon’s mom left his grandparents at the condo while she went shopping.

So, then the wedding, which was perfect. I didn’t hear much of what the officiant said. Just kept looking at Jon and the ocean and breathing. Being thankful it was over. Everyone was talking pictures. So everyone was standing around while we were taking pictures. Everyone knew we were having hamburgers and hot dogs at our place. As we are leaving we let everyone know we were on our way to the house (including Don and Becky). We get to the house, and realize that we need cheese and a few other side dishes because we only had chips. Jon’s family gets there, and he asks his mom to drive him to a store 2 mins away. You can tell by the way she acted she was pissed. He talked to her on the way back and he said she thought I was “different and that he made a mistake getting married”. Then they get back and he starts cooking and Don (the best man) and Becky are no where to be found.

Jon’s mom and grandparents sat outside the whole time, and I invited them in multiple times. Don and Becky finally come around after the grilling is over and we found out they went out to eat seafood supposidely because Becky had burgers at lunch that made her sick.
So, we cut the cake, and that was great and then everyone was saying it was time for the best man speech. Well, Don’s kind of country and didn’t realize he had to give one, and he was drunk. So he was really trying to just tell a story. So, other people had to fill in. One of which was a friend of mines date, that we had just met! After the toast his mom left with the grandparents. They didn’t see our first dance or watch us just being our crazy self with great pictures.

My dad stayed outside with Jon while he grilled. And dad and Betty (my dad's Girlfriend)sat there the entire time. They saw everything, we asked them if they needed anything, and they didn’t. They didn’t need to be babysat (like I felt other people needed too), they just sat there and you could tell they enjoyed watching us have fun. Amanda and her mom worked their asses off. They put stuff out, cut the cake, cleaned up, because they didn’t want me to have to do anything on my wedding night.

So, Me and Jon were NOT happy with Becky or Don after that. When we got up the next morning, Don and Becky were gone, along with Dad and Betty. So the 4 of us stayed in and played Wii. And we were about to go over to the mother in laws condo to the beach, when Don and Becky came back. And our first reaction was to invite them. But we didn’t because of the night before. We went to the lunch (and the waiter told us about this “shell island, where you could get as many shells as you want and you can go snorkeling and swim with the dolphins), after lunch we went to the beach and were able to get in the water, and we had a GREAT TIME. We then went into the pool and then decided to go to shell island. Well one thing after another we get to the area and find out that the last trip out was at 1pm. And it was 4pm. So we felt bad because we had everyone drive (in laws and Don and Becky) about an hour and we couldn’t do it.

Well in laws and Don and Becky wanted to go to this popular bar/restaurant to have dinner, and we weren’t ready so we went shopping and met up with them later. Well when we got there, they had decided not to eat there and that they were going to a sea food place. So we were pretty fed up with them and weren’t about to follow them around. So we told them that we were going to a resturaunt called margaritaville and they could come if they wanted, but we knew they wouldn’t. And Becky wanted to stay with his family. And of course his bitchy mom didn’t want them to. So she basically called Jon rude for leaving his friends with her and that she didn’t raise him to be that way.

We had a great time at margaritaville. Got back to the house where Don and Becky were already drinking. And we were about to head to the beach to go looking for crabs (with Amanda and her mom). Well Jon was outside talking to Don and Becky and I come outside and Becky said “we should go to “pondoras they have hula hoop we had a great time there yesterday” I looked at her and said “oh so you went there last night” She said “yeah we had a great time, we all should go” and looked at her with the meaness look on my face and said “I don’t think so, I can halo hoop at home” Jon looked at me and asked me to come inside to talk to him, I told him “no, that I was not his mother and I will stand right there until we were ready to go” So, we left and I was pretty upset, at the fact that Jon had to cook entirely and couldn’t be spending time with me at our reception because they were out eating and hula hoping.

So we had a good time there, and came back and asked how it went and I said it was great and “we caught crabs” it was a little mean but the same funny/sarcasism that I would say at any time.

So Me and Amanda “fell asleep on the couch” and Amanda’s mom was talking to Becky, and Becky was complaining how she doesn’t get any child support from her babies daddy (which is BS because she doesn’t work and is living off her Child support) and I got up because I finally thought this is the day after my wedding I am not going to listen to this on my wedding, and went and got Jon.

Well a long night later, come to find out that Becky is pissed because noone told Don he was supposed to give a best man speech, pissed because she wasn’t asked to be in any of the wedding pictures, how the bacholorette party was crappy and the reception wasn't planned well, then she was calling me and Amanda young and nieve and we would grow out of it sometime. And how I go over to her house and don’t talk to her and how I need to learn to communicate. And Julie (Amanda mom) told her that I don’t let just anyone in my life. There were a lot of other things said. Julie kept telling her that this isn’t the “becky show”.

Then to come to find out, Don and Becky got in a fight and Don slammed the door breaking the latch of the door and one of the slats on the blinds. We basically told them, that Monday was our day and we would be alone. They ended up leaving Monday.

Then we get home and Jon writes his mom an email, telling her how he feels. It wasn’t mean. Just that he wishes she had spent more time with us and been more socialable, and wishes she could’ve at least lied to him about how she felt about him getting married, and how we were going to spend the day with Amanda and her mom because they worked really hard the night before and that he had spent time with the others the day before and didn’t wish to be around them that day because of the reception. And we weren’t pawning them off on her.

Well she calls yelling at him “why he emailed her on her work email” and no one asked her to do anything, and no one introduced her to my dad (they didn’t see each other until the wedding), and telling him not to worry about her to worry about his new wife. And yelling and yelling and yelling. I told him to stop putting himself through that and get off the phone with her because she obviously doesn’t give a shit. Which made her mad and he told her how its always about her, her way or no way. And she began to throw it in his face that she kept him and she could’ve given him up for adoption and how she gave her life up for him and how she bailed him out of jail. And it was basically left right now as take your wife and you don’t have a mother, for right now.

So, that’s that. We obviously shouldn’t have invited anyone. But really we had a great time. Nothing that happened while we were gone would’ve been anything that we would’ve held a grudge for very long. But I feel we had a right to be upset. And I think the way the mother in law talked to my husband and made him was totally unexceptable and as one co-workers perfectly said "she should have her parent card taken away."

But I'm married and its over! :)

Monkey me

2008-08-18T07:05:00.001-07:00

I want to remember a small glimmer of light from the darkness I felt last night.

There is this little stuffed monkey I gave Jon for Valentines day because I call him my monkey. Well from my mother I have picked up the habit to make pets and stuffed animals carry on personalities. And when I am in a silly mood I have the monkey talk to Jon. Well, he absolutely hates it (which makes me sad) but doesn't keep me from doing it. He has even taken the monkey from me and thrown it across the room. Not in a mean way, In a way as if "ok, you have annoyed me enough"

We last night while I was trying to control myself from crying hestirically with my head buried in a pillow, Jon comes to lay down next to me and brings the monkey (which I assume is to just let me hold him) but he begins to give the monkey a personality. Which meant the world to me because I know how much he hates it when I do it to him.

And even with my constant sadness, he kept going letting me know that not only does my little monkey love me, but the big monkey loves me unconditionally.

Zombie is I

2008-08-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know why I do this to myself. Ben was out of my life, but of course my first and strongest emotion is try to "fix" it. So I bring him back just to come over every other weekend. But that just doesn't work out. Whenever he is over I am stressed and depressed, and I have tried to change it. And I don't know why I feel and act the way I do. I am miserable. So, again I told Michael I can't do this anymore. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of putting Ben through this.

And I know that Michael will not let me have another chance (rightfully so, and I think that is the best). I know my heart will ache to try again once I forget why I did this in the first place. And I don't know if I will ever forgive myself or ever know if it is for the best. I feel like a horrible person but at the same time feel its for the best.

I don't know how or if I can tell my mom. I really feel like I can't even talk to her and feel like I should shut her out. I don't want to but at the same time I feel I need to.

This has been such a hard 2 years af my life. And the last 6 months have been the most emotional I think I have ever had. Which is sad because it is over shadowing the love I have for Jon. And that's not right.

I just want to run away with Jon and never look back.

I feel as if I am in a trance. I feel as if I need drugs to function or as if I am on drugs. I don't want to feel like this, and WILL NOT feel like this for long. Because this is a horrible feeling and I will not get sucked into such detrimental life habit.

I want to be that happy/strong person that I and my mother was so proud of.

Adams and Jefferson

2008-07-05T05:35:00.001-07:00

He makes me smarter and thats why I love him.

Without him I would have never known that Adams and Jefferson both died on the same 4th of July and I wouldn't have won him a beer last night at Graham.

Thanks baby for making my smart.

Aliases

2008-06-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

I love you **Mittens**

I love you *Monkey*

I love you *Fuzzy*

I love you *Anthony*

I love you *hairy*

I love you *Baby*

I love you **Mr. Bradford**

I love you Jon!!!

What a weekend.

2008-06-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

Went shopping with Manduh and bought stuff for the house, and rushed home for no one to come over (except Trenee', but she is more fun than most)

Its hard to make barefoot Sandals when you've been drinking.

But I had a blast hanging out with the 2 girls and taking HILARIOUS/dirty pictures. And watching the "siblings" shoot each other with BB's and fight.

I know I may not have a 100 friends, but I have a few great friends, and I wouldn't trade them in for any one else.

Econ Talk

2008-06-18T06:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know about everyone else, but I am sick of the failing economy talk. Yes, I know. The economy SUCKS. I don't want to hear once again that the damn gas prices are going through the roof, or how food prices are too high or how global warming is getting worse or how next years crops are going to be shit.

All that talk is depressing. Its bad enough to be going through it and trying to get by but hearing about it all day long just makes it worse.

Tell me what I can do to make it better and I'll do it. But just don't tell me that it's bad, because I think we all have already gotten that memo!

HATE

2008-06-14T10:06:00.001-07:00

Yes, hate is a strong word and I try to be like everyone else that tries not to hate people. And yes hating people does take up to much emotion, energy and life to someone(s) that obviously does not deserve your time. There have been a few in my life that came close (or possibly did cross the line) to hatred. But I have crossed way over that line now in a place I never thought I would be.

I hate you and you know why.
Everything from the past, present and even the future has now been changed.
I know I did things that hurt you and you did the same to me.
Times in the beginning weren't that bad, but I don't remember any good times. I have not a single good thing to say about you. I made a mistake by being with you, but two good things came from such a horrible mistake.

Coming away with the knowledge never to make such a horrible mistake again, and him.

He is gone, but so are you.
I had to make a hard decision to let him go, so much more than the one to free myself from you.

Yes, you made me out to be the bad guy for the decision I was forced to make. But what a stupid one you made because of green. It could've been different if you would've been different.
You're a pathetic person for ending it because of green when you should have gotten it from your problem that created him.

But instead you took us from each other without our permission. You're the last one that should be making decisions; you never have done it on your own before.

Hate is a strong word and a strong emotion and it takes up too much energy and time form my life. And you have received too much of me, so I take it back. I no longer hate you because I do not love you. And I do not love you because I never did, because if I had I would never had hated you.

SCHWABs sometimes = Sports

2008-06-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

SCHWABs of SCHWAB segments are in my presence at work and I have SCHAWB nightmares. Nightmares about waking up to the horrible sound of SCHWABs playing and later that day reliving the same SCHWABs. Hearing about SCHWABs. Seeing SCHWABs. Being "stump"ED about SCHWABs and never understanding SCHWABs and the amount of SCHWABs consumed by the SCHWAB. Its clear to me now why it didn't work, you were all about the SCHWABs and I wanted nothing to do with your SCHWABs (or those SCHWABs)

So, I got rid of the SCHWAB and he took his SCHWABs with him. The nightmares have subsided with the release of the SCHWAB and his beloved SCHWABs. So Good-bye SCHWABs I will not be missing you.

Now I have no SCHWAB or SCHWABs in my life and I am loving the SCHWAB-FREE life.

TRANSLATION:

SCHWABs (tons) of SCHWAB (sport) segments are in my presence at work and I have SCHAWB (sport) nightmares. Nightmare about waking up to the horrible sound of SCHWABs (sport shows) playing and later that day reliving the exact same SCHWABs (sport shows). Hearing about SCHWABs (sports). Seeing SCHWABs (sports). Being "stump"ED about SCHWABs (sports) and never understanding SCHWABs (sports) and the amount of SCHWABs (sports) consumed by the SCHWAB (ex, or insert a better suiting Insult). Its clear to me now why it didn't work, you were all about the SCHWABs (sports) and I wanted nothing to do with your SCHWABs (shit) (or those SCHWABs (sports))

So, I got rid of the SCHWAB (ex, or better suiting Insult) and he took his SCHWABs (sports) with him. The nightmares have subsided with the release of the SCHWAB (ex, or better suiting insult) and his beloved SCHWABs (sports). So Good-bye SCHWABs (sports) I will not be missing you.

Now I have no SCHWAB (ex, or better suiting insult) or SCHWABs (sports) in my life and I am loving the SCHWAB-FREE life.

Blogging...

2008-06-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

I know blogging has been around awhile. I remember asking a friend years ago "What the hell is a blog"

I know more now and I was asked by my mother recently why I put so many things on the internet (good and bad) because there are so many perverts and bad people out there that could hurt you and could come into your life, why?

And I started to think the same thing, why do I do it. Why do I put things on here, because if I put the good, I also put the bad. Because the bad reminds me to be appreciative of the good, but i don't want the bad to be held against me by someone that has no business being in my thoughts.

I had almost taken myself out of it.

I have read very few blogs before and came across an old friend who promotes her life and her photography. And she is absolutely amazing. Her personality, her photography, her love, her life. It inspired me to have the same amount of love, life, fun, humor within myself.

And reading random peoples thoughts I never knew how poetic so many people were. I loved to write when I was younger, and used to think I was pretty good. Now, after reading so many beautiful pages, I see how lacking my thoughts are.

Blogging can't be all bad if in one day it can inspire me in so many ways.

How does blogging inspire you?

Still sad but now I am angry...

2008-06-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

When all this went down I was first just depressed and overly upset, but I talked to my sister a couple days ago and now I am pissed. She still talks to Michael because of Leanne, and I def. still want Ben to be in their lives ( I don't want him to lose 1/2 his family). But she told me Michael left out quiet a bit of the story (surprise surprise) and told her that I just wanted to be Ben's friend.

Okay maybe not that far from the truth. I morely wanted to start telling Ben exactly what I am to him but that I basically choose him and that's why I love him so much, but technically I am not his real mom and that is why he has to be with daddy most of the time. I still wanted it to be like family but maybe more of like an aunt.

But then it really hit me, when my mom, sister and I are pretty much in agreement that if I were to pay Michael then he would let me see him.

And that is not right. I have done so much for Ben and Michael, (before, during and even after the divorce). The money is not the issue, I wouldn't have a problem paying for his after school care (IN FULL) but I shouldn't have to. And if I did it would still feel like Michael had it over my head. And he would continue using Ben to get to me, and that is just not right.

So basically I feel like my only choice is still to stay away. It kills me because it is summer and I had so many things I wanted to do with him (#1 was have him give me away on the most happiest day of my life: my wedding) and now My happy day will still be happy but I know my heart will be missing him.

A Good Weekend

2008-06-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

So Jon and I knew we wanted to go away for the weekend so Friday after work we wrote four places on a slips of paper to draw from a hat: St. Louis, Memphis, Chattanooga and Little Rock. I drew St. Louis and after I found out it was 6 hours away, I quickly picked again. MEMPHIS.

Now, that day I was in a horrible mood. I didn't talk to anyone and I was just so depressed, my co-workers have never seen me like that (which is a good thing because growing up I was a very depressed person).

So, I wanted to get out of town but at the same time I still wasn't a happy person. Typically I don't love driving as much as Jon does, but after about 30 mins of driving I was feeling much better.

So we get to our hotel at around 9 or so and catch a cab to Beile St. It was crazy, people all over the street, drinking and having a good old time. There were a bunch of kids tumbling in the street. We ate at Hard Rock (my first time since middle school) and i had a Burger with Lettuce and Onion (for anyone that knows me they know that is Crazy that I don't have it plain with only ketchup and mustard).

So Jon buys me this drink that is almost as tall as him and we go dance and take pictures at one of the clubs, and almost got married since it was 6/7/08. Thank God we didn't.

We caught the same cab back, I can't remember his name but his girl said her name was "Miss Piggy" now that was just the funniest thing to me.

We got up early the next morning (why do I always get up earlier on hung over mornings than any other) and went to the zoo.

I have been to our Nashville Zoo a couple of times but the Memphis Zoo was the first time that I have felt sorry for the animals.

We then went to Graceland, where we had to pay $8.00 to park, which I thought was ridiculous... Well not as ridiculous as the $37.00 ticket to take one tour. Well, we turned right around and left. So, we paid $8.00 to park for 5 minutes.

Then we headed to Tunica.

Now I have never gambled before and for those who know me well I am a tight wad. But I was up for it. Well, I got pretty frustrated because it wasn't making much sense and Jon couldn't really explain it to me. And then I just kept noticing I would put $20 and push a button and my money would slowly go to nothing.

Now I understand I really didn't know what I was doing, but still. Anyway, so we lost about $200 in probably less than an hour. We had dinner and were back in the room by probably 8:00.

Luckily Jon can't contain himself and when he went for breakfast he took his last $10 and won $200. We made the trip home. Jon went out of the way to go over the Mississippi River, so I could say I had seen it and that I had been to Arkansas.

We stopped at his parents house for a BBQ and swimming and I got a lot of sun. A little burnt but I have been much worse.

So, Thank you Jon for getting me out of the house and giving me another memory.

Weekends don't work.... for him

2008-05-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

So, this past week was a very tough week. 10x tougher then going through the divorce. First off it was Mother's day on Sunday and I had Ben calling during the week and that made me just miss him even more.

I told Michael that I would like to see Ben every other weekend and for him to stay with him during the week, so Ben can have a more stable living situation to help with his school behavior. Well he informed me that every other weekends are for "dead beat dads and for Bitches that treat the fathers like shit"

That's when I told him that I guess we will never come up with a solution and nothing else can be done.

This whole thing makes me soooo sad because I have always been there for Ben because I always wanted to do what was best for Ben, no matter how hard it was to deal with Michael. And even me going to just weekends in my eyes is still what is best for Ben. More stable for him but at the same time he doesn't think I just abandoned him.

But this way he was just taken away from me without me even being able to say good bye and have him being told God knows what.

Everyones says I have made impression and that he will always remember me but that doesn't help the pain or stop the tears.

I think I am done...

2008-05-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Last night was the last straw. Michael and I got in yet another "text" message fight that actually turned into a phone call. It all started when Lauren called me to try and get a hold of Michael. And after words with him I realized that I will never be able to adopt Ben and that Lauren will never be completely out of the picture. I had to deal with her when I was married to him but I'll be damned if I have to deal with her craziness now.

Some other things were said and done through out the night that I would rather keep out of the internet world but as of right now I am no longer in Ben's life and I am heart broken. I don't know what will come in the following weeks, but I can't take anymore of this.

Engaged

2008-04-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would be in love so soon after getting a divorce let alone being engaged. But I am happier than I have ever been. And surprisingly not scared at all. In the beginning I was a little worried that it was too soon. But now the fear is now replaced by the antsy anticipation. (like a kid waiting for Christmas in July). It's funny because I loved him after a week and a half. And held myself back from proposing myself after only a month and a half. The funny part was while I was telling myself in my head not to ask him to marry me the very next second he asked me to marry him. (yes, he was intoxicated- but like I have always said your true feelings come out while under the influence. And I thought it a big coincidence that we both had the same feelings at the same time)

So we knew we were going to get married and the day it would be and even where it would be before we were even engaged.

And it worked out perfect because he actually proposed where we are going to get married. Centennial Park. I was completely surprised, which has always been my dream that I thought would never be possible.

My ring is amazing and often find myself staring at the sparkle it leaves behind.

The wedding plans are going smoothly and my determination to keep it nice, simple, inexpensive and stress-free is currently on track. I am determined not to let it get out of hand. The most important thing for me is to have a wonderful day marrying the one I love. I don't care how nice the table cloths (i am sorry "linens") are, or who sits next to who.

It feels like it is going fast but I still feel like it is forever away, when truely its only 5 months.

While I don't hope for rain, I would still be just as happy if it happened to rain, because I am so confident and happy with this choice in I know I can make a rainbow out of a raincloud

Me = Adorkable

2008-04-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

So, I thought I would try the whole blogging thing. While thinking about what I could say about my past, I think its better just to start fresh and not look back. So I think I'll make this blog all about when my life started as "adorkable".

So I came up with the name "adorkable" for myself not even a year ago. It sprung from the fact that I have always concidered myself rather dork-like and that I have in the recent years finally seen myself as adorable. So alive came "adorkable". Little did I know that being adorkable would lead me to the start of a new life with the love of my life.

It was simple actually. On myspace I had named myself "Adorkable" for everyone to see and while it got some attention, it lead me to my current fiance' Jon. The rest is history.

I am going to focus this blog to all the memories, experiences and adventures that have and will occur just because of the simple word: Adorkable