Thoughts from the first week

I knew love could come so early.

3am the first night home and trying to figure everything out. Being completely exhausted but still loving it.

I don't want and expect to get PPD, but definitely feel the emotions. Two days before Jon had to go back to work, I was already sad to see him go.

Never thought I would be waiting and excited to see a poopie diaper.

I had planned from the beginning to try breast feeding. I knew it was going to be difficult because of my own personal issues. The main reason I was planning on breast feeding was to save money. I knew it would be better for Owen and convenient and the bonding experience, but my only purpose was to save money. I am a private person and didn't think I would be comfortable with this little person attached to me. And I have inverted nipples, which has made it more difficult for the average woman, so it has yet to be convenient and I don't think it will
ever be. I think I will mostly have to pump, which is time consuming and somewhat annoying. But I don't want to stop now. I figured I would have given up by now. But I love it. I just wish it was easier for me. It makes me sad that it is so difficult and upsets me that I may have to give up at some point because it may not be realistic at some point. I enjoy our time together (when I don't have to pump) and love the fact that all the work I have to do is the best for him. So, while I still like the money that I am saving, but now I do it for all the reasons.

So much time just sitting and starring.

3 day babies

3 day old Jon


3 day old Owen


3 day old Sarah

My life has officially changed

He is here. My new love. And the way he made it into this world was nothing as I expected. Probably because I never really imagined how it may or may not go. I thought about what I would like but never day dreamed about it. If I over thought it or day dreamed about it I knew it would make the days go so slow and it would probably turn out the complete opposite of my dreams.

But if I had had imagined how I would like it to go, it would go like this:

Tuesday, June 9, 2009 I woke up like every other day. I slept till 9am and had to rush to eat breakfast and take a shower and dry my hair before I had to leave for my 11:30 midwife appointment. I headed off to the Vanderbilt office in our truck, to save on putting mileage on the car. Bad idea, the air conditioning was out and I didn't realize it till it was too late. By the time I got to the office I was definitely feeling the heat.

At almost 39 weeks I was happy that the scale stopped at 214lbs. Only 1lb gained from the week before. (especially since the week before I had gained 4 lbs in a week). I only decided to be checked for dialation because I hadn't had any braxton hicks (or any that I concidered pre-contractions) but had felt a lot of pressure and was afraid I would be further along than I realized if were to go into later and be stuck in traffic or something else horrible. Well, good thing I did get checked, I was 4cm, 80% and -1. I was also informed that my cervex was like a woman that had given birth before (nice huh). The midwife said she didn't expect me to make it to the next weeks appointment, but I made one non the less.

So, I head to my moms house to have lunch. As soon as I get there I felt a small gush but wasn't sure if my water had broke after about 5 minutes of contemplating whether I had or hadn't, there was the big one. So, there was no more question. After calling the midwife she said to give it 2 hours and to call back and give an update. Jon gets off work, picks me up and takes me home. We finish packing and at the end of the 2 hour mark I had had 2 contractions (but I could still talk through them). We called the midwife and she was concerned like us about waiting to long because by that time it was 3:00pm and down town traffic would soon become a problem. So, we headed to the hospital. Contractions were coming on steady the whole ride. By the time we got checked in and got a room it was around 4 and I was 6-7cm. I was laying in the bed trying to remember to breathe and not tense up. I told the nurse I was planning on trying to go natural but I would let her know if I changed my mind. I did ask if most people asked for the epidural by now, and she told me most had already had it for hours. Which made me think I actually had a chance to get it done. But honestly getting the epidural never even crossed my mind again.

By the time the midwife on duty got to my room (That had been the 4 time I had met her and she still introduced herself like she didn't remember me, which actually didn't make me too happy). Right when she entered the room the nurse made a comment about me trying natural and the midwife told me "well then you need to get in the shower to not be so tense." I sensed a tone of oh geez another one thinking she will be able to do it natural (which didn't seem right with her being a MIDWIFE) but I don't know if she really had that tone or if it was just the pain. I really had no interest getting in the shower, but she was pretty persistant, so I went ahead knowing it really wouldn't help my contractions. And they didn't. Yes, the shower felt good with no contractions but I really think the very first contraction in the shower I was already at 10. But since I wasn't sure I stayed in for I guess about 10 mins. I did eventaully had to start screaming/yelling to get through the pain. (my poor father in law got so freaked out I heard) So, by the time I had had enough and got back into the bed they told me to push.

I was also not to happy that no one offered to hold my legs and they didn't bring out any stirrups and expected me to pull back on my theighs. I straight out told them no because I had no strength since no one was holding my legs. Jon eventually held one and I got off and on leverage from some of the nurses. The student midwife they had to deliver me gave me a hip to put foot on and I had a pleasing feeling being able to pinch her with my finger toes. (I heard she was cringing) I could get through the pushes without screaming, just making loud (closed mouth) screaches. I noticed the calming feeling in my muscles between pushes and knew that all the pain would be gone as soon as he was out. I pushed for I think about 45 minutes. And was happy to feel the "ring of fire" I had heard so much about. It was bad, but not quite as bad as I had expected.

So, at 11:45am I had been told I was 4cm with not noticing any braxton hicks or contractions. 12:30 my water had broken, 2:50 I had had my first 2 contractions. Was at the hospital at close to 4:00pm at 6-7cm. Started pushing around 5:15. And at 5:57 my little boy Owen Hampton Bradford was born. He weighed in a 8lbs 7oz and was 21in. He has a full set of dark hair and has his daddy's dark complextion.

I feel so lucky in my life right now. I have a wonderful husband that supports me in whatever I do. I had an easy and uneventful pregnancy. I had a fast, managable pain and memoriable labor and delivery. And if that wasn't enough I have a beautiful, calm and perfect son.

I am ready for whatever life throws at us next. This experience has brought me even more love in my life and makes me want to live it as long as I can and to take advantage of that life. I pray that we continue to be a happy healthy family.