I want to still be me

I am not nieve. I have read enough and listen to enough from other mommies and know how much time will be spent on the baby. (Duh) I am very worried about losing me. I have already felt like I am losing myself. Being stuck at home and no longer feeling it would be best for me to start a new job so close to having a baby, is making me already feel the loneliness. I want to raise great kids but not lose me in the way. But that is making me really think what is there really to me to begin with. I read so much from people of my past who have chosen a career that allows them to travel (how fun, why didn't I come up with that). A career where not only they get to help people but they get paid really well. (why can't I want to help people. :)

I feel I have no real love beside art and don't feel I can do anything with that. While I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I am already feeling that everything I have just said its not true. I want to have my own business creating kids rooms, I want to produce my own art works, I would love to learn more about photography, more about sculpture, jewelry making, oil painting, sewing and probably many more. I really want to learn even more about dance (like I have been saying for years).

I just keep getting stuck because learning and trying all these things takes money. And I just have such a hard time spending money. Which I am sure will get so much worse when I have a child that will need things. And I just get stuck on not feeling good enough and being too shy to promote myself.

So, anyways the start of this post was for me to list all the things I want to make an effort to do after the baby is here: for ME.

Shave my legs once a week
Get dressed 3x a week
style my hair once a week
Hang out with other moms 1-2 times a week. (and not just the same one or two)
Do something sweet or surprising for my husband once a month
Try a new recipe once every two weeks
Along with filling my camera with pictures of the baby, taking pictures of me and my husband as well.
Continue the bathroom picture tradition between me and the BFF
Try and go to the gym 3x a week (eventually)
Go to dance events that don't cost an arm and a leg
Talk to 5 people a week about my business
Constantly learn more about Art.

If you can think of anything else that would be a good idea, let me know.