Annoyed

So, I have been sick with a cold for over a week. And right now I am just annoyed. I am annoyed with being sick. But mostly I am annoyed with the way some people act.

First, it irritates me how people don't RSVP for things they are invited too. How hard is it to let the host know Yes or No. Especially if you ARE planning on being there. That doesn't let the host plan properly.

Secondly, it's kind of funny to me how easy it is to predict some peoples actions. How you can ask for a favor and while being hopeful, you just know its not going to happen. Something that shouldn't be that big of a request seeing that it is for a family member. But that doesn't matter.

And Family! That annoys me even more. But I don't even want to get into that.

This just makes me aware of what kind of person I want to be and who I want in my life and who I will go out of the way for.

My Early Riser

So, my husband cracks me up. 2 weekends ago he preached how we were doing nothing that weekend. And then less than an hour later he called to tell me we were doing such and such. I don't remember what we did. But pretty sure we ended up being busy all weekend. Well, this weekend was pretty much the same. He got up at like 5:30. And came back up to wake me up at 7:30 with opening up the windows, jumping on the bed, taking my covers.

We ended up spending the whole day at my mom's. Where he installed her new washer, dryer and chest freezer. He also fixed her privacy fence. He is so great to me and my family.

Well, if Saturday wasn't early or crazy enough. Jon got up again at 5:30 and again woke me up at 7:30. He then informed me he had already been to the grocery store and to dunken doughnut and got a coffee and dozen doughnut. He was up so early that the stores didn't even have Sunday papers yet.

We ended up going golfing and watching movies the rest of the day.

Hopefully he will keep this getting up early thing on the weekends after the baby is born so I can sleep in a little bit.

I want to still be me

I am not nieve. I have read enough and listen to enough from other mommies and know how much time will be spent on the baby. (Duh) I am very worried about losing me. I have already felt like I am losing myself. Being stuck at home and no longer feeling it would be best for me to start a new job so close to having a baby, is making me already feel the loneliness. I want to raise great kids but not lose me in the way. But that is making me really think what is there really to me to begin with. I read so much from people of my past who have chosen a career that allows them to travel (how fun, why didn't I come up with that). A career where not only they get to help people but they get paid really well. (why can't I want to help people. :)

I feel I have no real love beside art and don't feel I can do anything with that. While I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I am already feeling that everything I have just said its not true. I want to have my own business creating kids rooms, I want to produce my own art works, I would love to learn more about photography, more about sculpture, jewelry making, oil painting, sewing and probably many more. I really want to learn even more about dance (like I have been saying for years).

I just keep getting stuck because learning and trying all these things takes money. And I just have such a hard time spending money. Which I am sure will get so much worse when I have a child that will need things. And I just get stuck on not feeling good enough and being too shy to promote myself.

So, anyways the start of this post was for me to list all the things I want to make an effort to do after the baby is here: for ME.

Shave my legs once a week
Get dressed 3x a week
style my hair once a week
Hang out with other moms 1-2 times a week. (and not just the same one or two)
Do something sweet or surprising for my husband once a month
Try a new recipe once every two weeks
Along with filling my camera with pictures of the baby, taking pictures of me and my husband as well.
Continue the bathroom picture tradition between me and the BFF
Try and go to the gym 3x a week (eventually)
Go to dance events that don't cost an arm and a leg
Talk to 5 people a week about my business
Constantly learn more about Art.

If you can think of anything else that would be a good idea, let me know.

"If you seek Amy"???

I just saw/heard Britney Spear's new music video on VH1 "if you seek Amy" (F-*-C-K ME).

Surprise surprise.

Ever since she has "come back" I can't stand her and her songs. Her first song "Womanizer" which criticizes men for being a womanizer but yet she is laying naked on a bench (that's is not necessary) especially when you are coming back from being crazy. I really hated it because it was kind of catchy, and I hate to want to sing along to it.

And now a song that is basically saying F-U-C-K Me. She is just going for shock value, she can't come up with a song that just shows her talent. Oh wait, she doesn't have any talent except taking her clothes off.

I am totally over her, oh wait I was never into her.

Before Baby

Things I want to do (get done) for the baby comes:

clean/organize office
Garage sale
Winter clothes under the bed
Clutter free master bedroom
attempt lasagna from scratch
make "winter, spring, summer, fall" art work for my mom
make a few other art pieces
Try to work out a couple of times a week
make a picture dvd of pictures from our baby pictures

Penny Pizza on Two cents Tuesday

So, my hubby brought home pizza after he got out of school. He surprised me with Pizza. Once of our fave foods. He did one of those order from Pizza Hut online the first time get 20% off. So, he got himself a large and me their special dea medium for .01
That makes me happy that he thought of a way to save money, but DAMN pizza hut. If you are going to do a special you need to make it as good as your regular priced pizza. They obviously only put a penny worth of cheese on this pizza. I was soooooo pissed.

Something you may not have known

I come from a very small family. And my family has been the cause of much of my sadness. I grew up with both my biological mother and father living under the same roof. But most of my memories they never really seemed "together". My mom is my rock. I love her more than anything. But my mom has weight and health issues, that has made her not be in my life as much as her and I would like. My father was always in the house but I never really felt he was there. He is or at least was a very negative person. He can deal with newborns and adults, but not in between. Watching old family movies of when I was younger than 8, he really seems like a good guy and I wish I remembered those things. And my relationship with him is definitely better now that I am an adult and better with me than anyone else in the family. So, that is a plus.

My mothers parents had both passed by the time she was 21 and she became estrained from her only sister. My father is from Germany so his entire family is an ocean away and I have only met a few of them once. My mother's aunt and uncle, adopted me and my brother as their grandkids, but I have also not seem them in over 10 years and rarely talk to them, that it doesn't really feel like family.

I have a brother that is 19 now. But very immature. I blame most of it on the way my father was a father. And my mom tried (tries) to do her best, but he is just not someone you can get close with. At least not yet.

I have a half sister, who is so much older than me she could almost be my mother. We are very different. And while she is a good person and we have never bickered. We have never been very close and seem to be moving in even further directions.

I had a half brother, that passed away about 2 years ago. But after he did some stupid things when he was a teenager, when I was young, he was estrained from the family. He did end up on the right path. And at one point was married to a woman that had MS (the same disease my mom has) and stayed by her side until she passed away. I wish he had lived closer, because I really think we could have been close.

And that is it. 2 parents in all their glory. 2 living siblings that I don't communicate with. And 0 grandparents or Aunts/Uncles or Cousins.

I get depressed often about my lack of family but I try to remember that some people grow up with horrible parents that do horrible things. And some grow up on the streets or in foster homes and have no family at all.

With me growing older, I have noticed how much your parents really shape you into who you are. Whether how they raised you had a direct or indirect affect, it has an effect.

My parents are very anti-social. Which in turn, made me incredibly shy. I have made a big improvement but it is something I have to make a conscious effort on. I become very uncomfortable in family situations. With my husband's family, I just sit quietly as they relive all the memories they have had and I become very overwhelmed when they have family get togethers with all the different twist and turns the limbs of their family tree takes.

So, while I want to teach my children the same values I have learned: manners, respect, responsibilty, humility, kindness, the value of hard work and the worth of a dollar. I also want to instill somethings I feel I missed out on: socialization, adventure, a passion for many things and new things. But most importantly to value the family you have, something I obviously still need to work on.