Still sad but now I am angry...

When all this went down I was first just depressed and overly upset, but I talked to my sister a couple days ago and now I am pissed. She still talks to Michael because of Leanne, and I def. still want Ben to be in their lives ( I don't want him to lose 1/2 his family). But she told me Michael left out quiet a bit of the story (surprise surprise) and told her that I just wanted to be Ben's friend.

Okay maybe not that far from the truth. I morely wanted to start telling Ben exactly what I am to him but that I basically choose him and that's why I love him so much, but technically I am not his real mom and that is why he has to be with daddy most of the time. I still wanted it to be like family but maybe more of like an aunt.

But then it really hit me, when my mom, sister and I are pretty much in agreement that if I were to pay Michael then he would let me see him.

And that is not right. I have done so much for Ben and Michael, (before, during and even after the divorce). The money is not the issue, I wouldn't have a problem paying for his after school care (IN FULL) but I shouldn't have to. And if I did it would still feel like Michael had it over my head. And he would continue using Ben to get to me, and that is just not right.

So basically I feel like my only choice is still to stay away. It kills me because it is summer and I had so many things I wanted to do with him (#1 was have him give me away on the most happiest day of my life: my wedding) and now My happy day will still be happy but I know my heart will be missing him.