Thoughts from the first week

I knew love could come so early.

3am the first night home and trying to figure everything out. Being completely exhausted but still loving it.

I don't want and expect to get PPD, but definitely feel the emotions. Two days before Jon had to go back to work, I was already sad to see him go.

Never thought I would be waiting and excited to see a poopie diaper.

I had planned from the beginning to try breast feeding. I knew it was going to be difficult because of my own personal issues. The main reason I was planning on breast feeding was to save money. I knew it would be better for Owen and convenient and the bonding experience, but my only purpose was to save money. I am a private person and didn't think I would be comfortable with this little person attached to me. And I have inverted nipples, which has made it more difficult for the average woman, so it has yet to be convenient and I don't think it will
ever be. I think I will mostly have to pump, which is time consuming and somewhat annoying. But I don't want to stop now. I figured I would have given up by now. But I love it. I just wish it was easier for me. It makes me sad that it is so difficult and upsets me that I may have to give up at some point because it may not be realistic at some point. I enjoy our time together (when I don't have to pump) and love the fact that all the work I have to do is the best for him. So, while I still like the money that I am saving, but now I do it for all the reasons.

So much time just sitting and starring.